A break up due to broken trust is very difficult to repair and restore.
The initial steps are to accept the mistakes and make the commitment to do whatever it takes to regain trust.
On the other side, the victim has to put in a lot of effort to understand, forgive and support the offender who is making an attempt to make amends.
Instead of blindly trusting your partner, be mindfully aware of the actions taken over a period of time to restore trust in a broken relationship.
Here are the tips to fix a broken relationship.
Generally speaking, if you’ve been apart for about 3 months it is possible to apply a quick fix and get your ex back.
Chances are that your ex is missing you and life without you is a step outside their comfort zone.
So, it would be a wise move to quickly decide what changes you are going to make it yourself before you attempt to woo back your ex-flame.
If your relationship that went bust was a really long one with more pleasant memories than bitter ones, you are in luck.
The process of selecting a new partner is tough and every time you think you are ready, you cannot stop yourself from comparing with your ex and that’s when all the positives will beckon and weaken your resolve to find a new mate and move on.
It’s important to understand the real reasons behind the split before you go back in pursuit of your broken half.
If you feel that your relationship was cruising along towards a shared life goal and it just came unstuck because of a few bad habits of yours, you can be sure of a patch up.
If your changes can be natural and the two of you are going to come closer, simply go ahead and change for the better and let her know.
If your ex is still very angry with you and bristles at the very mention of your name, consider yourself lucky.
The patch up depends on how passionate and intense your relationship was.
If it had already come to the point of petering out, she’d be almost indifferent to you and may never be able to show any interest in you.
A spicy and spirited relationship, although gone wrong, can be repaired and resurrected.
Before you set about repairing a broken love affair, be ready to review the entire liaison and list the mistakes and faults committed by you.
Only if you are ready to accept them and reform, don’t even try.
At the same time, the changes shouldn’t be forced or you’ll end up being more miserable.
Short temper and negative thoughts affect the relationship so badly.
For that, Elise Stephen explains that the 3-minute mindful breathing is a mindfulness exercise to help you stay in the present when your mind is besieged with negative thoughts and feelings.
- Sit comfortably and close your eyes
- Take a few deep breaths through your nostrils,
- keeping your mouth closed.
- Relax your muscles and slowly become aware of your thoughts.
- Even as you think, become aware of your feelings and the sensations in your body. Don’t judge your feelings and sensations.
- Now, focus on your breathing. Feel the air going in and out of your nostrils.
- Feel the rise and fall of your chest and abdomen as you inhale and exhale.
- Become aware of the wholeness of your mind and body as you detach yourself from your thoughts. You are immersed in the sensations that pervade your body.
- Stay in this state for 3 minutes or more
Make a commitment to practice this skill at other times in the day, even when your mind is peaceful and unchallenged.
Make it a habit to do it 2-3 times in a day. Allow yourself to be in this state for a longer duration.
Blind trust is when you are not sure whether your partner has put in the effort to earn or deserve your trust.
Mindful trust is a decision taken over a period of time after you are convinced that your partner respects you for trusting him.
A couple of questions can help.
- Is he or she honest? Is there a tendency to lie and deceive.
- Can you see your trust is reciprocated in a responsible manner.
- Do you sense the commitment.
- Is she capable of keeping her word by following up with correct action.
Remember there are two people struggling to mend a broken relationship by rebuilding trust.
There are times when difficult thoughts and feelings could force you to temporarily forget or suppress your pain by consuming alcohol or drugs.
Surfing the Internet or watching pornography online is another easy getaway for the weak-willed
Aloofness and avoiding your partner is another way of self-defeating behavior.
To tackle gloomy thoughts and feelings you can do another mindfulness exercise
- Find a place to sit down and close your eyes
- Take a few deep breaths and relax your body
- Do a mental scan of your body from top to bottom
- Focus on that part of the body where the sensation is most intense
- Drawing a line around the part. Give it a shape and color
- Feel its temperature
- Now, be a the in through your nose and direct your mind to travel along with the breath to the exact location.
- Let your breath engulf the area and reduce the temperature
- Change the color to a peaceful white
- Focus a beam of white light on the part and see the angry mass melt away slowly
- Repeat this a few times
- Make a commitment to do this mindfulness exercise 2-3 times in a day, even when you are feeling perfectly fine. Do it playfully with a lot of creativity.
- If both of you have decided to rebuild trust in your broken relationship, you can attack the problem by reconnecting with your values.
- Think about how you have handled the break in trust?
- Would you have handled this any differently?
- In the future, how would you like to remember the way you handled this crisis?
- Can you see yourself behaving with calmness, dignity, and respect even though you feel wronged and are angry and bitter?
- Can you develop compassion for yourself and your partner?
- Can you be strong enough and not be compelled by your feelings and emotions to try and destroy yourself and your partner?
- If you think you cannot develop compassion for yourself because you deserve to be punished, sooner or later you will start indulging in self-defeating behavior where you will suppress your feelings, avoid the pain and try to be aloof and distant.
So, it is also about forgiving yourself and making it up to your partner.
It is about accepting your faults and rectifying in the present moment by teaming up with your partner.
We, humans, are fallible, after all.
The best way is to honestly own up and volunteer to tell the truth.
Do not delay because the truth will come out anyway and if you are afraid, just believe that fear and deceit will defeat you.
Prevent the disaster by disclosing the truth. If the truth is already out and you stand accused of lying and cheating, accept it and simply state that you were wrong.
Weather the storm that follows but don’t try to wriggle out by justifying and shifting blame onto others.
Things to be careful for
Simply apologize and wait for your partner to accept it.
If your partner starts raving and ranting, accept it graciously.
Your partner may need emotional support to handle the sad revelation. Be available, ready to support.
Don’t run away unless your partner is adamant. Even then, move away but hover around in the vicinity to come back, if required.
Once the cat is out of the bag, you are going to face all kinds of accusations and most of it is true.
Your silent acceptance will help in calming down of your partner and prevent further aggravation of the issue.
Since you have made the commitment to see it through, be prepared to wait out the ordeal that ensues.
When your thinking lets you down, you are helplessly pulled along and it seems that the best thing to do is stop the fight and succumb to the temptation and do all of those actions that you promised not to do.
When your partner seems to be unrelenting, you may tend to assume the worst and give in to your negative tendencies.
Self pity is to be avoided by focusing on the values you believe in and strive harder with a vision of the glorious future that you can have if you can just manage to win back the trust.
After the initial guilt and self-blame, take control of your self-belief and re-establish your self-esteem and hope and work for better things that you can expect from rebuilding trust in your broken relationship.
Keep your partner informed about your actions and initiatives to set right the relationship.
Whenever required, you can ask for help and support.
Honest feedback and the progress that you make will influence him or her in a positive manner.
When you commit yourself, make sure that you follow up and deliver results.
Your firm approach in dealing with your inadequacies will make you a better and stronger person.
Strength of character can never be ignored for too long and the tide will change in your favor.
If you take it as a test of your strength and character, you will come out of it a better person and that is the only reason you should give it your best shot.
A positive result can be seen as a welcome bonus.
The rebuilding of trust can be a slow and painful process but if you stick with it, the pain will go away and at best you will get back a stronger relationship and at worst, you’ll be able to redeem yourself in your own eyes.